Ok, so this blog is documenting events that actually took place the monday before christmas....
Cast:
Soren- 2.5 year old troublemaker that knows how to rub his daddy the wrong way.
Daddy- played by Brian, 41 year old Mr. Mom.
Braden- 4.5 year old non-essential character.
Kellyn- 8 month old sister that keeps dad on his toes today.
Mommy- played by 29 year old Darcy; mainly offstage.
Act 1-
Mommy gets up, showers and goes to work and leaves the boys and kellyn at home to get ready for their upcoming trip to Minnesota.
Daddy deals with the kids while trying to get ready for the trip.
Kids eat breakfast....
Soren- (takes box of cereal and hides in his room)
Daddy- Soren, where are you? (opens door to room) What the F*CK are you doing with the cereal?
(Cereal smashed all over the floor, Soren hides behind door)
Act 2
Daddy runs upstairs to get some clothes to pack.
(Soren, in the kitchen, realizes that there is left-over Halloween candy on top of the fridge.)
Soren- Hmmm... (then sees carseat on the floor, and a box that is going out to the trash. Commence building the oh-so-safe carseat ladder to the top of the fridge)
(Daddy is heard coming down the steps.)
Daddy- what the hell is wrong with you kid? Are you trying to break your neck?
Act 3
(Daddy is now down stairs, so Soren heads upstairs)
(Soren, in Kellyn's room, decides that there is something he HAS to have on top of her dresser. So he opens up the top drawer, climbs on top of the toy box, and into the top drawer)
Daddy- Soren, what are you doing in there? Get OUT OF THE DRAWER!
(daddy snatches him out just before he takes his step up on to the dresser top.)
Daddy- Get down stairs and be good before I hurt you.
Act 4
Soren- (plays in the living room, until he hears the clock chimes....) (in his head) I wonder if I take that swinging thing off, if the clock will still work?
(soren climbs on the back of the couch to open the door to the pendulum. He proceeds to bend and twist it off)
Daddy- (comes into the room to check on the kids) Seriously, do you have a death wish. *his blood pressure is now through the roof.* (Spanks soren, and puts him in his room)
Act 5
Daddy- (just finishing up changing kellyn's diaper, puts the wipes away and the desitin back inside the container.) There ya go Kellyn, all better.
(he leaves the room)
Soren- (I like to paint, opens up the container and proceeds to squeeze some out onto his hand like bob ross putting paint on a palette)
Soren- (in his head) We need some here......and on the wall... ooh, a hole. I wonder if this will work like spackle? oh, the tile by the fireplace will look cool white, and these toys have boo-boos, lets give them some boo-boo stuff. mommy's radio, the carpet oh crap! daddy's coming! (he hides the evidence by smearing his hand on braden's comforter which has made it into the living room.)
Daddy- THAT'S IT KID! YOU ARE GOING TO BED......... (expletives come flying out of his mouth as he carries a screaming kid off to bed)
**ring ring** **ring ring**
Daddy- HELLO!
Mommy- Hi, hows----
Daddy- when are you coming home? (basically 2 decibels short of yelling)
Mommy- um.... whhy?
Daddy- because I almost killed your son, he's lucky to be alive today, we aren't going to F*CKING MINNESOTA. I'm so done!
Mommy- *speechless* okaaaaaayyyy......
Daddy- Soren smashed f'n cereal all over the floor, broke the clock, fingerpainted with desitin all over the living room!!!
Mommy- *trying not to laugh* Ok, if you need to leave for a few when i get there, thats fine. I'll clean it up when i get home. Just relax.
Daddy- Just get home.
Mommy- ok.
click.
Act 6
Mommy arrives home from work. walks through the kitchen, glances into the bedroom where her son is sleeping in his top bunk at 6:30pm. Continuing onto the living room.....
Mommy- wow. what a masterpiece. this kid has some jackson polluck in him.
(mommy then cleans up the mess, takes a picture on her cell phone, and sends it to her brother in mn. blackmail is a good thing)
~d
