To Excrete, or not to Excrete... they did. {a myspace original}

Current mood:amused

So why *must* we be riddled with poo and pee issues? This past week its been not quite as monumental as the Leena/Casey Poo incident 2008, but still funny at the least. 

It starts with Braden playing outside after many hours of begging to go out.  You have to realize because of where we live, he can't go out and play by himself.  No son of mine's gonna be snatched out of my back yard.  And my guard dog Leena would lick the skin off of you if you tried to come in our back yard most days.  So when I say beg, its because that means I have to gear up to go out.  Kellyn, the stroller, Soren, shoes, myself, etc...  and by the time I get all of that out there, if its not absolutely perfect out there....  5 minutes later he's done.  And I gotta haul it all back in again.  We finally were out..  Braden was running back and forth around the garage doing the "Wheet, wheeew" fake whistle scream thing he does trying to get mine and Soren's attention to chase him.  So we're going back and forth looking for him, I run in the house quick and come back out to him on the side of the house between the garage and the house.
"mooooom, I pooped." 
Remember now, he's been basically potty trained for a little over a month.  So I go, " you did?  where?"
"back there."
"back where?"
"come with me."
I follow him... behind the shed.  There's a ball-o-poo on the ground, intermixed with what we now know are blackberries.  (thanks ann)  Today he had boxers on, and you guessed it....  it *fell* out of his pants as he was running around.  Down his leg, onto his Lightening McQueen shoes to find its new resting place amongst the blackberries.
I cracked up.  simple as that.  it was funny.  i couldn't help it.  i think i got some kind of a visual mental replay of how it musta gone down.
Fast forward to saturday. 
I thought it would be a good idea to try to potty train soren this weekend.  So we woke up, made our potty chart, got our stickers set....  wahoo.  all day we tried, no luck.  accidents everywhere.  i bravely, or stupidly, put him up for his nap *gasp* in diego underpants.
well, no accidents, but no nap either.  he comes downstairs about an hour later and then disappears into the kitchen.  moments before i had talked to brians mom.  all of a sudden he walks in all bowlegged and saggy....
"mom i pooped"
poop for soren is interchangeable for both 1 and 2.
"you peed you mean, where?"
"in the titchen"
i get up to see little duck-like pee footprints leading from kellyn's carseat.  i can hear your brains workin already, and you assume right.
"soren, did you pee in baby's seat?"
"yessssss"
"ug"
meanwhile, we are supposed to go to brians moms to meet a few of their friends.  and how?  with a pee soaked carseat?
so i pick it up to do damage control....  he peed not where youre thinking, where her butt would be, but he sat in it upside down and soaked the head portion of the seat, including the little head stabilizer, and the *attached* padding under the car seat cover.  LOVELY.  I didn't mention there is a puddle under the seat where it didn't get absorbed by some type of fabric.  So I rip it apart, take him into the bathroom to take off peepee diego, and get a towel to have him help me clean it up. 
So, after taking the seat apart, i call brians mom.  Thank god that we just bought a second carseat set off craigslist instead of just another base.  I tell her the story, with laughter in my voice the whole time, and ask for the spare carseat.  She thinks its hilarious, obviously.
Brian was on his way home from the sergeant's test...
PAUSE... as i sit here, he stands next to me, pees through a diaper onto the floor... lovely saturated poopy diaper....
ok... so brian's on his way back from the sergeant's test, calls and I tell him he has to stop at his moms to get the carseat, explain the story, he's not happy.  LOL
Fast forward to sunday night... 
After a day outside, with the kids, Ann, Kevin & Van... we come in, i feed kellyn, we're sitting in brians new recliner... i hear some major rumbling down below.  and not just everyday rumbling... but juicy rumbling.  hmm.. no wonder she's been fussy today.  I'm sitting there, about to get up and get a diaper.
why's my leg warm? 
I pick her up......EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW... wait, my pants are warm too...  I look.  yup.  i basically was christened with it.  me, the recliner...
so i start yelling for the kids to bring me one of their bath towels from the bath they just finished so i could put her down somewhere with out adding to the jackson polluck type art we already had going on in the living room region.
all this time, brian's in the shower (imagine that, i get all 3 fiascos this week) so i barge in to the bathroom and start stripping... he's like, "whats going on?"
"we have a minor poo emergency"
"who? braden?  soren?"  --they hadnt gone all day cuz of the playing outside, they'd make sense to guess.
"try again," and I show him my foot, leg, pants... 
He hoses my leg off with the shower head, and has to grab a wash cloth to get it off... that stuff was hangin on for dear life!!
"you'll never guess where i was sitting..."  knowing that he knew EXACTLY where i was sitting before he went into the shower.
"aaaaaawwwwwwwnooooooooo.... how bad is it?"
"pretty much douched."  and it was ggggaaaaaaaarooooooss!
needless to say the puddles that had dripped on the floor.
So she was covered, i was covered, the chair was covered and she has a new nickname...  
Resolve

It’s gone.... {a myspace original}

As I sit here crying still....  I can't believe it. 
The ring that Brian totally surprised me with, changed my life, kept me in this god forsaken state 8 years ago.... is probably in the hands of someone else, or already pawned for the gold.  I can't stop crying.

It all started when on Monday my sister in law called me to go and pick up her family pictures for her.  I said fine.  I'll run up and get them and meet her at my mother in law's house.

So yesterday, I fed Kellyn, and left for the mall around 2pm.  As I pulled in the parking lot, I decided to go to Macy's to get some yogurt, then walked across the hall to New York and Co. to see if I could find some clothes that actually fit my butt these days.  I walked around there shopping for a while, found some stuff (didn't try it on, I always do that at home, and then return whatever doesn't work)  waited in line, and paid for it.  Then I made my way across the mall to Sears to grab the pictures before leaving.  I go up, chat with Jen B. for a little while, and then leave.

I get out to the car, and leave the lot.  I get as far as Central City and Wayne's turn lane and realize that something feels different.  Shit......  Where's my ring??

Right away, I start to freak out inside.  So I make the left turn, pull into Best Buy, and start tearing my car apart.  I look through the bags, shake out all the clothes, get out, look behind/under my seat.

Nothing.  Great, I have no cell and have to head back to the mall to search.

I did all the backtracking I could.  I walked the same routes I walked, went up stairs and called my mother in law just to *hope* that for some odd reason, I took it off, and it was there.  No such luck.  Then I lost it.  Tears were flowing, she was on the other end of the line just hurt for me.  I left the studio and made it into the mall.  The whole time, crying.  I know I looked like a lunatic in my yoga pants and brians too big redwings t-shirt.  But I didn't care about that.  I just wanted to see it laying on the ground in front of me, and be able to breathe a sigh of relief.

It didn't happen. 

The people at New York & Co. were so great, but I knew, if it hit the floor....I had like a 2% chance of some honest person going, "hey I just found this on the floor." to one of their associates.  And a 98% chance of them going, sweeeeeeeeet and pocketing it with no second thought that there was someone DEVASTATED at its loss. 

I walked through Macy's on the route that I took to get yogurt, went to customer service.... nothing.  Went back to NY&C, and cried a little more.  I didn't want to leave the mall with out it, but at that point I was sure Kellyn was freaking out at Brian's moms, and I didn't want her to suffer.  If she'd only take a bottle these days, I coulda looked more. 
I saw Mall security out there on my way back, talked to them......  nothing. 

So I drove home.  Tears streaming down my face the whole way.  Why didn't I just go and get the pictures and go back?  Hindsight is 20/20.  I was free for just a few minutes, I took advantage of no kids.  And this is how I pay.  With a broken heart. 
So Brian called his moms when I got back, and he knew something was wrong, and wouldn't let me just not say.  He asked if I got in an accident, my reply was..."i wish."  At least I could pay the deductible, and get it fixed.  The only fix for this is some honest person to turn it in. 

He tried to console me that night by saying, "some people get new wedding rings all the time."  True.  But it was so special to me.  He took it upon himself to surprise me with it so long ago.  All the kids have had their tiny hands and feet photographed with it along with his.... 

And I know its not the ring that defines our love and commitment to each other, but it did have huge special meaning to me.  And right now, I can't bear to think that its gone.  Braden keeps handing me tissues and saying, "don't cry."  But I can't help it.  There could be some tear stained shirts for a few days.  Pray for its safe return.  But I'm not counting on it.